life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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