She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
