yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
