About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
