My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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