Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
And the cops told us we were all naked.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
