Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
