Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
