Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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