How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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