I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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