I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk is a universal language darling
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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