I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
