this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
