"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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