I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
