She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize