apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
