i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
