So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
sarcasm needs its own font
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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