I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
