Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
