Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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