I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
