so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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