Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
