That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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