When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
