just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
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she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize