"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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