life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
