Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
