how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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