So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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