are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
