my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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