Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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