Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
