How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
