I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
