I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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