im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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