So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
