I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
