hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
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any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
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My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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