can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
