I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
