I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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