go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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