We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
