I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
