Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
