pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize