i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
