you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
