he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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