today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
