Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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