Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
