small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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