drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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