You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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