she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
