Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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