The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
