listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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