When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I'm like, not good at living.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
