Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
