You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
