Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
