you guys were way drunker than both of me
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i believe in u and ur pee
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
