i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
