Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
worst night to have a conscience
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
