Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
