3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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