And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
