that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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