How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
